The difference between want and need
by Lucky-lil-Lady
Summary: Kirihara wants someone. He wants them at first, but thenhe completely loses his cool. The want grows into something more. The problem is, his Senpai has no idea how he feels. Pairings include Diabolic pair, Platinum pair, and Alpha pair.
1. Want

The difference between want and need

Chapter 1: Want

Kirihara POV

You are going to scold me. "How selfish of you! How self absorbed you are Kirihara Akaya!" I don't care. I wanted him. I wanted to touch him, and I wanted him to touch me. I wanted to feel him, to taste him. I wanted him so badly, I risked everything. I risked our friendship and I risked damaging him. "How selfish of you!" You say that now. You have never wanted anyone the way I wanted him. To hold him, to kiss him. Don't make judgments until you have felt how I had.

He was my Senpai and my team mate. He always called my "kid" or "squirt" even though I am taller than he is. He used to pat me on the arm or ruffle my hair. I don't think he had any clue how much I longed for him. He used to touch me then, and I loved it.

You probably don't know who he is. Nobody ever guesses correctly because I never let it show. It is really hard not to show feelings like these. None the less, I did. I hid my want and hid it well. His name is Marui, Bunta. He is a short boy with wild reddish pink hair. His eyes are violet, like the flower. I wanted those eyes to see me for who I really was. Not just the lame Kouhai the rest of the team saw. This want… It was like a hunger… A hunger that I could not satisfy. It was like a thirst that I could not quench. I could do nothing about it without him.

I was a coward and I hid behind the rest of my Senpais, hoping that maybe, if I lost sight of him, these hunger pains would disappear. Unfortunately for me, it never works out the way I want it too. Instead of subsiding, the want grew more and more powerful. I felt like I would explode if I avoided him any longer. That was when I lost it. Don't get me wrong, that wasn't me ravaging him. To me, it seemed that there was this monster that had grown from the suppressed want inside of me. This monster sort of took over and attacked him.

The day in question was late in his third year. I did not want to see him go. I changed, in silence. I tried to stay as far away from him as possible. He often yammered on in the locker room about how much of a genius he was. If you want my opinion, he isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but he does a superb moon volley. He also takes forever to change. Jackal-Senpai was already done and he told Marui-Senpai to quit yakking and put some clothes on. I should not have looked over. I should have just stayed where I was, but the want was overpowering. I turned my head to see him with his hands on his hips. He wore nothing but his tennis shorts. Our oh-so-short tennis shorts.

"Akaya… Are you feeling alright? You look a little flushed."

I jumped and spun around. Yukimura-Buchou stood there, blinking at me. He was obviously concerned. Our silly captain was always looking out for other people and never himself. Good thing he had Sanada-Fukubuchou to do that.

"Oh yeah. I'm cool. Thanks Buchou."

Then he smiled.

"Well if you are sure. I'll see you tomorrow."

Yukimura-Buchou left the club room with Sanada-Fukubuchou in toe. I swear Sanada-Fukubushou is like his guard dog or something. I could hear Niou-Senpai cracking a nasty sex joke and Yagyuu-Senpai saying something about is maturity level. I never understood those guys. They left just as Niou-Senpai blew a raspberry in Yagyuu-Senpai's face.

"Well I'm not waiting for you any longer Marui. I'm going home!"

Marui-Senpai, taking a page from Niou-Senpai's book, blew a raspberry at Jackal-Senpai's retreating back. I focused on the buttons of my shirt. It was just us now. Me and the one I wanted most in the world.

"Hey kiddo! Haven't talked to you for a couple of days!"

'Oh no, Marui-Senpai… Don't talk to me… I'm about to lose my cool…'

I thought as I did the knot in my tie. I did not answer him.

"Hey squirt! I'm talking to you!"

I ignored him as I pulled on my sweater vest.

"HELLOOO! IS THERE ANYONE AT HOME!?"

Marui-Senpai stuck his face right in front of mine. He should not have done that. If he had restrained himself, I would have been able to do the same. The tip of his pointy nose touched mine. Those iris colored eyes blinked, clueless, at me. It did not help that his shirt was unbuttoned and his tie was just hanging down his bare chest. Can you say sexy? I couldn't take it anymore. I took his face in both of my hands.

"Ki-Kirihara!"

And then I kissed him, roughly. My lips smashed against his. I shoved his smaller body against the row of lockers, knowing he was no match for me. I could smell the pungent scent of cotton candy in his hair. Slowly, I forced my way in. I still remember the taste of him… Green apple; sweet and yet sour at the same time. He struggled furiously, but I was, and still am, much stronger. I pinned both of his hand over his head with one of mine. I'll give him credit for fighting. He never gave in. One of my hands strayed over him, feeling the bare skin of his back, neck, chest, and stomach. His skin was incredibly soft for a boy his age. It was bliss. At last I had what I had wanted for a very long time. This is when you tell me how selfish I am. Go ahead! I don't care! I don't care because he bit me… It would have been a turn on if he hadn't bitten down quite so hard. I lurched back, tasting blood.

"Stop it, Akaya!"

He had never called me by my first name before and it was a little unnerving. The look in his eyes… Was it fear? I couldn't say for sure. All I knew was that he was panting and sweating. Had I kept him from breathing? He rushed to straighten himself out and scoop up his bag. He practically ran to the door. I had gotten what I had, originally wanted. I had thought I would be satisfied. Needless to say, I still wanted him, but the want had changed. It was no longer an overpowering hunger, but a lingering ache. It was the kind of ache I had experienced after an intense workout. The door snapped shut. That was when I realized what I realized what I had done. I sprinted after him. It was muffled, but I swear I could hear him on the other side of the door. The aching grew stronger when I heard a soft, quivering, sob. Knowing that it was I who caused those unhappy tears made me want to comfort him, but I knew he would never let me touch him.

"Marui-Senpai…"

I leaned my forearm against the door frame and rested my head against it. I closed my eyes. I had gotten what I wanted, but at a price. I had hurt him and I just wanted him to know that…

"I'm sorry…"


	2. Need

The difference between want and need

Chapter 2: Need

Kirihara POV

I felt ill. You might ask why on earth I would be the one who felt that way. I had not been victimized the way he had. You wouldn't understand. I had lived, watching him quietly for almost two years without letting my feelings show. Once I had, I had hurt him, violated him, and held him down. Who knows what I would have done if he hadn't made me bleed. I still had dreams about the sound of him weeping. That night was the worst. I arrived home hours late, skipped dinner and my English homework, and went to bed. The next day, he wouldn't look at me. I don't blame him. I wouldn't look at someone if they did that to me either. But it hurt. I had originally wanted him. I had wanted to hold him and do things to him that would make most people blush. Now the hungry wanting was gone to be replaced by soreness. I couldn't describe it at first. It was like an ache in the center of my chest. Later, I recognized it. In despair, I realized that it was need. I needed him to look at me, needed him to pat my arm or ruffle my hair. I needed him to talk to me, even if it meant hearing his speech about how great he was. At that point, I didn't care. I would listen because I needed him more than anything.

At practice, he kept screwing up and started crying. I refused to run my extra laps and sat, pouting, on the bleachers after being wacked over the head by Sanada-Fukubuchou. He called me an undeserving, spoiled brat and marched off to yell at Niou-Senpai who was pretending to be overheated so he could get a second hand kiss from Yagyuu-Senpai's water bottle. I would have laughed, but I was miserable. My eyes were fixed on Marui-Senpai who had burst into tears across the court. Yukimura-Buchou never missed a beat. He glanced at me. His dark blue eyes seemed to see into my soul. Then he peered over at Marui-Senpai who would not let Jackal-Senpai comfort him at all.

"Neh Kirihara…"

I stiffened. Had he made the connection? Was I going to be punished?

"You and Marui-Kun need to settle something. Go back to the club room. I don't care what you do, just fix it. I don't want this interfering with my tennis team."

I gaped at him. I must have looked pretty stupid, but to trust me alone with Marui-Senpai was a little daring.

"Er…"

"Marui-Kun, come over here!"

I stood up, knowing that Yukimura-Buchou had, as always, won the battle.

I felt a little bit better with him by my side as we made out way back to the club room. He said nothing, but spat out his old gum and popped a new piece into his mouth. His sharp, violet eyes were a little red and puffy, but I still found him handsome. My need to be close to him had been, temporarily, met. I was so happy in those few seconds that I forgot we were fighting. Once we reached the club room however, he helped me remember by sitting on the bench, half way across the room. He was feet away from where I sat against the wall. I hated silences, especially ones like these; the types where you have to figure out exactly what to say so that you don't screw everything up. I could tell that Marui-Senpai, being as stubborn as all of the demons in hell, would never break it. His head rested in his hands and he blew a green bubble that was bigger than life and stared pointedly at a spot just left of me. I had to go first. I wasn't sure if he had heard me the day before, on the other side of the door.

"Er…"

I felt like a sap. One of those guys from those crappy romance movies who gets all blubbery and weepy and says he is sorry, he can't live without her, he loves her, yadda yadda yadda. I felt stupid, but it had to be said.

"Senpai, I'm sorry."

His eyes met mine and my heart jumped into my mouth. I had needed him to look at me, to acknowledge me, and now he was.

"Look kid,"

His tone was snappy. He glared over at me.

"I had no warning. Plus…"

He stood up and crossed the room so that he stood directly in front of me. I felt my face heat up. He leaned over so that his face was inching away.

"I don't like being held down. Don't…"

He kissed me once. My breath caught in my chest.

"Ever-do-that-again."

With each word he spoke, he kissed me again, holding it longer and longer until we did not break contact. Soon the familiar taste of green apple filled my mouth. I needed him closer. I was being a brat, I know, but I was caught up in it. I pulled his body in and he climbed onto the bench, straddling

Me. The smell of sweets was so powerful that I could barely stand it. He held my face in his hands. Thos hands were so gentle with me. I was undeserving, but I needed his gentleness. The warmth of his body, the softness from his skin, his smell, his taste. I needed it all. I felt hot as if I would melt into him. That way, I would always have what I needed. I couldn't breathe. I pulled away, feeling myself sweat.

"Senpai…"

My voice sounded weak and breathless.

"I-I can't breathe…"

He smirked, smoothing some curls away from my face.

"Then don't."

At once, I was mothered with his sweet intoxication. I trembled and moaned and shuddered. I did so many things I never thought I would do. He had pushed me to the brink. I loved it. The ache in my chest had been replaced by a warm feeling. I had heard Yukimura-Buchou describe it before. I knew what had happened. I wanted him. I needed him. Yes, I loved him. I wanted to be the only one to feel his heart pound like this. I wanted to be the only one to cause the steal rod that was pushing into my gut. He jerked away mercilessly as the sound of knocking sounded.

"Are you okay in there?"

It was Yagyuu-Senpai.

"Yukimura-Buchou wanted me to check on you."

Marui scrambled off of me. I missed his warmth.

"Everything is fine Yagyuu. Go now! Shoo!"

I made sure Yagyuu-Senpai was gone before I spoke.

"Marui-Senpai…"

He glanced at me, superiorly over his shoulder. I reached out and took his hand.

"I think I love you…"

He snorted. Then he kissed two of his fingers and touched them to my cheek.

"Oh bah."

"Neh Akaya."

We were changing in the locker room. I looked up as Jackal-Senpai addressed me.

"Do you have any more gum? Marui won't share."

More gum? I didn't know what he meant. Then, I realized it. I was chewing a piece of bubble gum. I didn't remember putting it there. I glanced up to see Marui-Senpai smirking at me behind Jackal's basket. I knew I must have gone pink.

"N-No. I just have this one."

I finished dressing, blushing the whole time. I could hear Yukimura-Buchou giggling. Marui-Senpai had shared alright.

After I was finished changing, I waited for him outside of the club room. When he arrived, he made a promise that he wouldn't do any "Gum Sharing" with anyone else but me.


	3. Love

The difference between want and need

Chapter 3: Love

Kirihara POV

Since he and I had made up and had decided to be together, something had been nagging at the back of my mind. The hunger was being satisfied and my needs were being met. However, they were physical and my longing had grown to an emotional level. I loved him and he knew it, yet he had pushed it aside as if it meant nothing, as if he didn't believe me. The thing that really disturbed me was the possibility that he might not love me back. It was a constant 'what if?' whenever we were together. Nobody knew about us, so I couldn't exactly ask in front of anyone. At least that's what I thought.

It was almost the end of the year and Bunta was going to graduate in a few weeks. I'm probably repeating myself when I say I hated to see him go. Anyway, it was the last tournament of the year. Bunta and Jackal-Senpai had played their final game as doubles partners. Yagyuu-Senpai and Niou-Senpai were serving. I sat behind Yukimura-Buchou, next to my new boyfriend. I couldn't focus and I was playing singles two. I was up next, and I couldn't get hyped up for the game. All I could think about was that single question. Does he love me? I had to know. I wouldn't be able to play my best and prove that I was number one without that knowledge. I made up my mind as Niou-Senpai and Yagyuu-Senpai performed their final switch of the year. I was going to ask, then while everyone else was focused on the doubles pair on the court, but the words kept getting caught in my throat. Then the game became very interesting and I got distracted. Before I knew it, they were done with their match and Niou-Senpai purred loudly.

"Puri!"

He tackled Yagyuu-Senpai and licked his cheek. I winced. Gross. Yagyuu-Senpai blushed, which is a sight to see. He mumbled something and Niou-Senpai smirked.

"Puri."

It was my turn to play. I hopped down from the stands and shouldering my racquet. It was now or never.

"Marui-Senpai, could you come down here for a second?"

Bunta rolled his eyes and made his way down with his usual cocky swagger. His confidence is incredibly sexy.

"What are you doing? You need to be on the court."

He shook his magenta head at me. I tried to be quiet so that the others couldn't hear.

"Bunta…"

I reached over and took his hand in me racquet free one. He cocked his head to one side. He seemed befuddled, almost worried.

"I need to know…"

Again, I sounded like somebody from a crappy romance movie. I sounded like some sappy actress, asking her lover a serious question with dramatic music playing in the background.

"Do you-do you love me?"

I sounded like a moron. His handsome face burst into a warm smile. The look into his eyes made my heart melt. He reached up and pulled me down into a kiss. Was it a yes? I could hear gasps and somebody, probably Yukimura-Buchou, giggling.

"You moron! Of course I love you!"

He thunked me lightly on the side of my head. I let out a held breath.

"I had hoped so. It's just… The day we got together, you laughed when I told you…"

He opened his mouth and laughed loudly.

"Oh that. I just thought you were being a sap."

I could feel my face go red. Yes, I had been a total sap. He smoothed some of my curls from my face.

"That doesn't mean I don't love you."

I blushed as he caressed my cheek.

"Now go out there and kick some ass!"

The look in his eye, that kiss and those three words made me feel as if I could do anything. I think I played the best I have ever played and the demon inside of me never emerged. Not once.


End file.
